Our friend Bob Ross of Pilgrim Publications, printers of Spurgeon’s material, has a great reply for those scammers who offer free money if you simply give them your banking information.
His humorous reply is below.
MONEY AVAILABLE FROM OVERSEAS FOR WHICH
WE REGRETFULLY HAVE NO ROOM [12/22-2004]
[One of my more "popular" emails since I first started using email a few years ago is my reply to the Nigerian type of offers of money, and I sometimes have requests for it. Many names have been added to my list since it last appeared, so here is an updated version for their benefit. -- Bob]
I often receive opportunities to be the recipient of large sums of money, and here are a few excerpts from a source who emailed us today:
>>
Dear Friend
I am Barrister Jean Philip(Esq, a Briton and the Personal Attorney of Mr. George, a national of your country, who worked with Chevron Oil Company in England. On the 21st of April 2007, my client, his wife and their three children got involved in a car accident along Chelsea Highway Road that claims the lives of all occupants of the vehicle. . . .
I have contacted you on trust to assist me in receiving the money left behind by my client in his bank account valued at about Ten Million Six Hundred Thousand United States Dollars. . . . I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you bear same surname with my late client so that the proceeds of his estate worth Ten Million Six Hundred Thousand United States Dollars can be paid you . . . The sharing percentage is as follow — 30% for your assistance as next of kin, 65% to me and remaining 5% should be for expenses or tax as your government may require.
Best Regards,
Jean Philip(Esq,
>>
Here is my reply, which I have often made to those who have been so thoughtful to include me in their plans for the Big Bucks:
MY REPLY:
Thanks for contacting me. It is true, in the past I have been able to assist a number of foreign sources of wealth with their needs as to how to handle a financial situation.
At one time, we had a large green truck, painted with dollar marks ($$$), canvasing the continent of Africa to pick up large bundles of money. Unfortunately, the primary driver at that time, Saddam Hussein, absconded with a large load and was later apprehended in a hole in the ground in Iraq, went to trial, and was executed. We have not been able to find a replacement for Saddam, so our truck is not currently being used. We put some inquiries out to find Osama Bin Laden and get him to be the driver, but we can’t locate him at this time. But that may be just as well, for we really have no available facilities at this time to store more money.
For example, a few months ago we airlifted heavy loads of Nigerian money to the USA in several chartered planes but had to toss out some of the bundles over the Pacific Ocean due to the excessive weight. Still there was so much dangerous overweight cargo, we had to require some members of the crew to bail out to lighten the load. The crew members were all later rescued and are safely home, now living in great splendour from their share of the funds we received. However, at the behest of some greedy lawyers they are filing a class-action lawsuit against us for the physical and psychological damages resulting from their experience, which may drain a large amount of the money we have in storage, and this may free-up some of our storage space.
Space to store and properly preserve the money has become such a problem that we have put all offers of foreign funds on “hold” at this time.
I think we have recently received at least a dozen or more emails informing us that
we have been selected either by God or by men to receive large funds, even long after we notified the Lord that we had no more room to store money at this time. We have been using the nearby Astrodome and also the adjacent Astrohall, and are trying to buy the Reliant Stadium for more space.
Currently, we have over five acres of money neatly stacked on skids, covered by heavy plastic, on the King Ranch in southern Texas, which is the only available space we could find large enough to hold our supply of African money. We are currently investigating the possibility of leasing the Baja Peninsula for potential storage space, as there seems to be a lot of open space over there. We have also applied to NASA for some room to send money on the next spaceship to the Moon where we would expect to have free storage, unless either the Japanese or Walmart has purchased that territory.
Therefore, I suggest you contact Drayton McLane of the Houston Astros who needs a lot of money to sign baseball players who opt for the free agency market, and keep them from going to the Yankees or Mets or some other rich team. Also, there is always Benny Hinn, or you might try Robert Tilton in the Dallas area. There is also Paul Crouch at TBN, needing money to setup more TV stations. Even Oral Roberts University might have some use for it, based on recent reports. Also, I hear Mike Tyson and O. J. Simpson could use some money. Better still, contact Atlanta Falcons’ former quarterback, Michael Vick, as we hear he may have to return millions to the Falcons. And there’s the Boston Red Sox who need a lot of money to pay the salaries of their Oriental pitchers.
Frankly, we have seen so much African money in recent months that it has become more plentiful around here than Kudzu in Georgia, 99-Cent and Dollar stores!
So at this time, we will have to “pass” on your offer.
– Bob L. Ross
